If I Could Sell Off Part of This Problem

Lately I've been thinking about the "too much" feeling I have. If only:
- My pain was on one side, not both
- My pain was in my feet, not my legs and butt
- I had neuropathic pain, but not the aching pain in my lower back
- The disc rupture had been a little smaller
- I'd realize the significance of the little warning signs I had about my discs prior to the blow-out
- I could look forward to feeling better in the future
- I could sit, walk, and sleep more easily
- And so on...

I feel exhausted a lot, still. I've also become quite reclusive. Not voluntarily, but more because it takes so much energy to go out and do stuff, and often the pain flares up and ruins the experience. I've been frustrated lately -- I wasn't expecting to have a big health problem like this in my 30s (nor get to carry it for the rest of my life). There's not much improvement I can make or do at this point. I'm tired of life being me saving all my energy for work, then coming home to rest and recuperate. Most people don't sit and smile at work while their legs are on fire or their rear end throbbing. But I pull it off and people seem surprised to know I have a condition at all.